good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
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