You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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