I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
