Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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