Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Let's paint friendship bongs
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize