dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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