just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
