we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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