her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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