I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
