I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
We're too hungover to prance.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
