I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
