Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
