2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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