So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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