I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
