omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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