I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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