I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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