I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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