no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
