I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
