I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
