dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Someone came in the potted fern
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
