I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
