I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
