dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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