There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
