His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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