Your face is a jimmy john
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Randomize
