what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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