I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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