Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
