like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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