Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
