I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
