How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
