I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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