If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I love how my cats smell like pot.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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