I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
