You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
