I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
