he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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