Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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