I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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