he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
