It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
