Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
