Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Acid is not a monday night drug
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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