Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
