If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
