Heybabeimwearingurpanties
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
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