i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize
