Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize