break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
