is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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