Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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