Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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