how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Randomize
