I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize