I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
