she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
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