My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
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