im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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