Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
