i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
